Time to Go...

The hate in America seems almost insurmountable at times, and I am scared. So much so that I am taking actions to make my second home, my new home :Amsterdam. I have so many thoughts, and fears. I have always been an artist, a creative...how will I truly make money? Will I actually be able to make it happen? Can I and WILL I be approved for a visa? An Immigration lawyer is expensive but to make it legal I will do what needs to be done.

Currently I am abroad but dread returning home because even in NYC the hate is so tangible you can taste it in your throat, squeezing the life from me at every moment. I will miss the states but as I've said before...in Europe I have been alone AND sad but never EVER scared. I just don't have it in me to fight anymore. I just want to be free. Many have said I should stay and fight. Fight for my place in the world, in my country but I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT...I want peace. However the only way for me to have peace at this point is to shut up and accept the hate, and even then that doesn't guarantee me peace, or even a life. They (Police in particular) have shot and killed more black women and men in the last year and I only anticipate the numbers to rise. And why should they stop...they know and HAVE gotten away with it many times over. Granted not all police are bad, but...

Please God let this Visa process become a bit easier. And give me the six months I need to get my house, money and affairs in order because Lord knows...it is TIME TO GO!

When they go low...

WOW...I have no words. Currently I'm sitting in a Paris hotel having breakfast and a version of "Bridge over Troubled Water was playing in the back, and I took a moment to hear the words then instead of just hearing I decided to listen. These lyrics seem so prevalent in today's precarious times in my country...the good old U.S.of A now referred to as AmeriKKKa.

When you're weary, feeling small
When tears are in your eyes, I'll dry them all (all)
I'm on your side, oh, when times get rough
And friends just can't be found
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down

The lyric that made me cry and broke my heart was the "and friends just can't be found". And I think of all the "friends" I have lost over this election. As to me it not just about money, republican vs democrat but about human decency, fairness and equality. I did not believe in EITHER candidate but I voted my conscious as I knew I had to do what was best for the greater good. It was also the time I had to make my choice: do I keep facebook friends with people from my childhood, people I have worked with over the years, even a former lover? And my answer was NO...this is too important. Now the election is over and we have a new president-elect I am still deleting people as I can't have that type of distrust and hate in my life.

While sadden, I am also proud of so many of my friends and allies in this...mainly all from college and beyond but without them I would be a broken crying mess on the floor. I have been very fortunate to have a supportive sister, friends and family that makes losing the others not as bad, but it's still painful.

To those I am no longer friends with...I wish them well and the best in life. I also hope that one day they will have to face their own fears, bigotry and racism and see it for what it is, perhaps then they too will be able to go high, when others go low.

 

 

The less than half the population that voted in America made it painfully clear that I am nothing more than less of a person due to the color of my skin. My people are seen as lazy but no acknowledgment of the fact that it was due to our UNPAID labor that many of the bridges, railroads and buildings were built by us, hell even the furniture was stuffed using our HUMAN HAIR. Don't believe, then check this out: The Chair.