Week 3- WHY do I even bother? I should have got a puppy.

I'm at the point where I am not seeing any real benefit especially working out as much as I do...and when I look and ask for answers the only answer is if I lose weight "you're detoxing" if I don't lose weight "you're detoxing" . I feel like the only thing that is truly detoxed is my wallet.

Day 15

Another uneventful day. I had my weigh in and lost about 3.5 pounds. I was super depressed then my friend Jen reminded me of The Biggest Loser. They lose a shit ton of weight the first week then barely anything the next, and then the next week BOOM...so we shall see what next week holds. I have learned that being fat doesn't make me less fit. In fact I've had to cease doing the group runs as they were slowing me down BIG time. When I stopped running for the winter I was at a 14 min mile, so I expected to be slower, however I noticed that with the group running with the fastest people my mile was 19:08, but when by myself it was between 1630-17 min so I've found a route that is not filled with dogs and now do that...I just can't believe so many people who "look" like they should be fit are in such sad shape. Best part...none are American. And the only other American girl was the chick I used to run with and keeping up with her was putting me in beast mode. So instead of challenging myself with my fellow camp members I have decided to have a challenge with myself. Besides it's not a fair fight....I'm a New Yorker...all we do is race, run, and WIN. ‪#‎kittyforthewin‬

Day 16

...still alive. Hungrier today than usual.also it was a horrendous heat...around 111. I did get up enough energy for Aqua Aerobics and kickboxing. I was like screw the rest. Finished up postcards ...took all my daily supplements. Now getting ready for bed and it's not even 7pm. Some days the body just needs to rest. So tonight I shall Netflix and chill. Ironically Netflix works but Spotify works great only 14 days.‪#‎theirony‬ oh well tomorrow will be day 17. I can't believe I've gone this long without sugar or caffeine.

Day 17

The AC and electricity went out again, and I'm sick so I checked into a hotel. I did the 5K, and Aqua aerobics but soon felt extremely ill so I slept the rest of the day...no massage or colonic just sleep. I even slept through dinner. I think I'm experiencing a "healing crisis" and from what I've read I should be better tomorrow. Happy to believe only 10 more days left...all I know is I better lose some more weight or I'm gonna be pissed. I'm so angry today...I think because this is the week my dad died. And I also found out that his wife of 35+years who always swore she would never marry after my dad died is getting remarried and moving that man into my fathers house.  ‪#‎justkeepswimming‬

Day 18

...it was a bitch. Still trying new things to jumpstart the weight loss. Now the verdict is my workout is too intense so gonna take a few rest days and they even said I could have a salad with some protein (more than likely egg) But they think my body has gone into starvation mode (HA). So today after kickboxing and morning run I did nothing, tomorrow I will do absolutely nothing. THAT will be hard for me but I have a few books I can start reading.Just ten more days.

Day 19

...was tougher than usual as working out keeps me busy and from taking on stress. However I have not been taking a full rest day and the scale isn't moving. If I was doing nothing but walking 2-3x a week and following the plan I should lose a pound a day. I have not missed a walk (until today), water aerobics, kickboxing 3x a week and yoga5x...so it appears that over training is the issue. I ate a small salad yesterday. However now I am on green vegetable juice (about 12 oz each) for both breakfast and lunch, a shot of vinegar and coconut oil, various supplements, another 8os green juice as a snack and a broth. As they are trying to jump star metabolism. Usual caloric intake for all is 750, but mine was at 850 as I was having protein powder, and then yesterday about a 1000 with salad and shrimp, however today and until Monday I'll be at around 600.and NO exercise. (Well I do plan on kickboxing as it is paid for) my body has definitely gotten smaller and the inches are continuing to fall off. So as they say...‪#‎babysteps‬. I'm also sad as my dad still is heavily on my mind and my family seems to have deserted me (with the exception of a few of my cousins). I think it's just tough as today not only are taxes due but it's also the day we buried him. You ever get over the death of a parent. All in all the people have been very kind as I tried to keep to myself , they still took time to just come to me and squeeze my shoulder. Sometimes no words need to be said. Today was just life...19 of 28...done!

Day 20

...they weighed me and I'm the exact same yet I continue losing inches. Officially decided I am in starvation mode and have been ordered one protein meal every other day...yaaaassssss. Had boiled chicken over romaine with a lemon and fresh tomatoes. You would have thought it was a steak meal the way I inhaled it all. And you know what my brain hasn't been as foggy. I have one more week...and this week now with protein...I am going hard. It appears since I've been away (March 13) I've lost between 26-29 pounds so I'm not going to be upset that I've lost only 14 pounds here. They also have reassured me that the slow loss means it will more than likely stay off. I can't believe I actually ate meat and still my caloric intake for the day was under 900. Something about eating some chicken makes hearing the news "I've been dating a bit" from the guy I had been seeing a little less painful. At first I was hurt, but I've been gone a month and will be away for about six more weeks. He has no idea why I'm here nor were we exclusive. So now I leave it up to God and if it is meant to be it will be. However i need to put my health first. This detox is about more than food...it is about my health (spiritual, mental and physical). I know now that I want to be the best and healthiest me for myself and my future partner. As this woman would like to have a chance to breed so hot to get myself in the best possible health:-) besides what is for me is FOR ME. End of story. Side note my blood pressure has always been good has been even better 100/73. Lost 13 inches from my waist so far!!! ‪#‎GodhasgotthisandsohaveI‬

Day 21

I have lost my damn mind. Finally broke thru the plateau and have had enough. I went on a bender to end all benders. And now I ask for prayer that I don't make myself sick. I started with one GnT and ended up with 3 AND two glasses of wine. I am stressed, tired and ready to go. I am praying every day that I make it the next seven days. The next week I will go hard but they night I am drinking as I mourn my dad and mom. I miss them so much as well as some of the people I thought cared but don't. Even Greg who I realized never loved me but was killing time. It all hit home today. And now I know I must mourn all of it so I can go on to the next step. Yes I'm sad but not defeated. Yes this will show up on the scale but I will show up for all my workouts and put in work this week. I just pray that God forgives me and helps me reach my next set of goals. I'll be back in the US by June 1 and if I can lose another 15-20 pounds before then I will be estatic. Once I'm back I've started looking for doctors to remove th lose skin and a tummy tuck. After that I will be flat ass broke but I will be healthier and happier. Now I will focus and pray as I always know...faith of a mustard seed.